Choose Peace – Save the Relationship

A disagreement can threaten the peace

I have two friends who feel differently about an issue than I do. I value each of them, and they value me. Thankfully, we understand that we disagree and usually don’t bring up “the topic”.

FYI: Also thankfully, “the topic” is not a theological or spiritual issue. It’s just one of those things humans focus on too much when we’re here on earth. And tend to forget that it won’t matter one bit in heaven.

Recently, “the topic” came up. Twice in the same week. Very unexpectedly. Unfortunately.

The first time

Me to Friend A: I’ve been struggling with such and such.

Friend A to Me: I don’t struggle with that because I feel a certain way about “the topic”. (And Friend A definitely indicated that I wouldn’t be struggling if I had the same opinion about “the topic” that she does.)

My heart sank. It never occurred to me that she would relate my struggle with “the topic”.

Me to MYSELF: Ugh. Now what do I do? Especially since I know God has made it clear to me that my decision about “the topic” is what He wants me to do. And I value Friend A enough to believe God has made it clear to her that her decision is what He wants her to do.

By the grace of God, I chose peace. I didn’t acknowledge her statement at all. I changed the subject.

I truly don’t believe she was trying to start an argument. And I’m extremely grateful to God that He gave me the ability in that moment not to start a fight, either.

I’m still heartbroken that an earthly, temporary issue has the potential to destroy a precious relationship. But by choosing peace, I’m not suffering the end of a friendship because of that difference of opinion.

The second time

A group conversation was occurring and “the topic” was mentioned. I’ve known for a while that Friend B didn’t agree with the others in the group, but she remained silent. I expressed that everyone was doing what they felt God wanted them to do (in an effort to ease any tension and hopefully be able to change the subject).

And Friend B stayed silent.

I don’t know if she felt the group was trying to start an argument. But I’m extremely grateful she didn’t start a fight. And from my point of view, she consciously chose peace.

How I choose peace

I’m thankful God gives the ability to choose peace.

Notice I said, God gives the ability.

When I don’t remember God is in control, it’s easy for me to think the verse is saying that it’s up to me to generate the ability. I don’t have that power.

My part is to make a conscious decision to:

— Ask God to remind me that I want peace (instead of fighting to prove I’m right, and in the process, hurt others).

— Ask God to give me not just the ability, but an overwhelming, inescapable, “can’t do anything else” desire to choose peace.

What helps you choose peace?

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Joni Vance is an award-winning author of fiction, essay, and poetry. She loves mystery, history, and how God reveals Himself every day.


May God reveal the mystery of His love in your life story.

4 thoughts on “Choose Peace – Save the Relationship

  1. What helps me choose peace? The trouble not choosing peace get me into Ha Ha!!!

    Loved this post! Loved how you handled your situations:)

    • Totally agree. And when I forget, the hard lesson reminds me. 😉 Thanks for reading and commenting.

  2. This is a great post Joni! Keeping in mind our call to love helps me. That, and the example we set as we represent the Lord.

    • Thanks. Yes, God gives me the ability to love – and that is key! Appreciate you sharing.

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