Letting Go of Not Knowing

Not Knowing

As a young child, I remember seeing an event on television. I didn’t understand what was happening. Or why my mother cried.

Ten years later, my project about the event was disqualified from the school district’s Social Studies fair because it was deemed too controversial.

The project presented evidence that Lee Harvey Oswald did not kill President Kennedy. All my History teacher said was, “The judges argued all through supper about whether to disqualify your project. We can’t appeal, and I know you’re upset. But the argument ruined the judges’ meal, so maybe their indigestion is some consolation.”

At the time, I didn’t understand why my project was disqualified. Or why some of the judges didn’t want one of the many theories to be presented.

But over fifty years later, I understand that trauma can stay with us long after the event that caused it. And for many, a decade wasn’t long enough to overcome the devastation of November 22, 1963.

And while some may know the truth, or it exists in the swirl of theories and reports, I doubt I’ll find out everything about that terrible day on this side of eternity.

Deciding to Let Go

There are many things in life I don’t understand.

In some situations, I’m able to easily let go of the mystery and “not knowing”. And I can achieve enough peace in my spirit to stay calm when I’m reminded of it.

But there are times when I struggle against “not knowing.” And I have no peace until I find out, or until I can reconcile myself to not knowing.

I try to find answers. I try to determine if some action will improve the situation. I take whatever action I can.

And if none of that helps, eventually the struggle exhausts me and I ask myself why the situation is upsetting me.

And then I ask the questions that really need to be asked:

— What about ME is causing me to be upset about this situation?

— What about ME is keeping me from accepting life the way it is?

— Do I want peace, or do I want to ruin my days by staying upset?

— Am I willing to face the truth about myself and life?

— Am I willing to use my fighting energy to take the actions that will bring peace in my spirit?

I need God’s comfort and guidance and help as I ask the questions and take the actions to let go of the “not knowing”.

What helps you let go and fight for peace?

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Joni Vance is an award-winning author of fiction, essay, and poetry. She loves mystery, history, and how God reveals Himself every day.

May God reveal the mystery of His love in your life story.